I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
