I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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