8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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