I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
