I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
