This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
vagina is talking i cant
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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