he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
