What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
