I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
