why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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