You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
