1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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