i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
