Old men and throwing up are my life now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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