a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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