she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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