that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
