OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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