My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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