her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
