Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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