If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
