weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
