Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
