Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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