...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is Oprah even human
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
