I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
