My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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