yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
