K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
