she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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