Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
