Don't you send me to vm
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
