his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
