if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
