Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We have started to decorate penises.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Drunk is not a location!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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