there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
