Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
