i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
