It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
