Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
