Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
