may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
