yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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