If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
