I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
