Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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