just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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