god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
