Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
