But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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