You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
