We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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