I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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