I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
