You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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