It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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