Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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