I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
