What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
did i just pee glitter
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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