I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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