I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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