Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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