You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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