Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
