you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
