I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
