ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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