Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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