splinters make it hard to masturbate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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