she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
