All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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